Knowing when to say Yes and No

Here is a brief recap to catch you up if you haven’t read my recent blog posts:

  1. You reclaim your power by trusting and following your inner compass

  2. You must get quiet if you want to locate your inner compass (ie: your intuition)

  3. The way to get quiet is to strengthen your boundaries

  4. The way to strengthen your boundaries is to say “no thanks” more often

  5. When you say “yes” and you really want to say “no”, you make yourself sick

We’ve talked about what happens in your body (in terms of Chinese medicine) when you say YES to something you really want to say NO to. I spent years doing this and didn’t realize the impact it was having not only on my mental health but my physical health too. I always say that I said yes until my body said no. My body had had it and I landed myself right in the middle of a health crisis because I was saying yes to too many people too often. If that sounds like you, please read my past blog posts. From the feedback I’ve received, it does sound like many of you have been operating like I did for a long time and it’s time for you to reclaim your NO. 

Let’s talk about the next key skill for finding your flow: knowing WHEN to say yes and knowing when to say no.

There is a fundamental idea in Chinese medicine, called Yin/Yang Theory, that everything else builds upon. It is our foundation. The entire theory can be summarized within one symbol: 

The Yin/Yang symbol is drawn as a circle to signify that there is no beginning and no end, it’s a continuous cycle of yin transforming into yang and vice versa. The white half represents Yang and the black half represents Yin. Each of these shapes dances into the other, so when you have the most yin and you can’t possibly have any more yin, you actually move into Yang. And likewise, when you have the most yang and you can’t have any more yang, you move into Yin. And the cycle continues: some Yin, more Yin, most Yin… some Yang, more Yang, most Yang. And so on.  

For the sake of this conversation, we’ll just say that:

Yang (white part) = activity

Yin (black part) = rest

  

If we view the Yin/Yang symbol as a depiction of activity and rest, then you can see that there are periods of BOTH activity and rest when you are in harmony (ie: in health). There are blocks of time when you are active and you (should) also have blocks of time when you rest. When you exert yourself the most, you then enter a long rest phase so you can recover. And, after a period of rest, you are ready to be active again. We all have a natural rhythm that looks exactly like this but the timing will look different for everyone.

The key to living in sync with this natural rhythm is to tune in and understand when you should be active (and saying yes) and when you should be resting (and saying no). Saying yes means you feel like you need/want activity. And saying no means you need to lay low and perhaps make your world a little smaller.

If you are truly listening to your body, you will understand when you should be pushing and when you shouldn’t. For example, I took a looooooong rest in the middle of last winter. I didn’t do much of anything besides be a mom and a wife. The space that was created by saying no to most everything gave me the opportunity to recharge and get ready for my next period of action, which has lasted from the start of summer to now. The long period of rest recharged my battery so I could dial into an intense 7-month long apprenticeship, actively work on building my brand, launch my website and begin to write my book. I wouldn’t be in this YANG time if not for the YIN time that came before it. Does that make sense? 

Knowing your OWN rhythm of when to say yes and when to say no is the key to living life in flow. And remember: “if there is flow, there is no pain or illness”. You have to understand how your body works in order to get into AND stay in the flow of the universe. When you find your flow, life feels easy. 

Have you ever spent time doing something where you just lost track of time? Where it felt so fun that you didn’t even notice 3-4-5 hours had passed? Time flew by! This is an example of being in flow! And it’s possible to stay in that space for more than a couple of hours here and there.  You have the potential to be in flow ALL OF THE TIME. As long as you are tuning into what your body needs. 

The way you do that?

Step one:  Get in your body so you can tune into its rhythm. Find your inner compass.

Step two:  Calibrate your inner compass so you can start practicing saying yes when your body feels yes and saying no when your body feels no.

Step three: Start tuning into WHEN to say yes WHEN to say no based on your body’s natural rhythm (which almost always syncs up with nature’s rhythm).

You master these three steps, friends, and you are on your way to feeling way more alive, more vibrant, and more joy-full. 

Here is an essential oil protocol that has helped me:

  1. Tea Tree swiped on inside of wrist creases

  2. Black Pepper on the crown of the head

  3. Coriander around the belly button

  4. Lavender on third eye and over heart space

  5. Frankincense on bottoms of feet

Try this protocol every morning for at least ten days to help you find your flow.

Kelly Eileen